Thursday 1 October 2009

Return of the Highwayman

June 5th, 2030


You don’t need to go far along Cliff Lane towards Stanton-Under-Bardon, before you understand that a unique yet derived form of crime has evolved along this isolated stretch of highway. Approaching from the north, where the road splits from the A511, you are instantly greeted by homemade signposts placed by helpful locals, to warn unsuspecting commuters who may have veered accidentally in the direction of this impending danger. ‘Beware of your valuables’, cryptically warns one sign in white paint on a piece of sagging plywood. The messages increase in urgency as one strays further from the throng of traffic on the M1; ‘Turn Back Now’, and even a skull and crossbones symbol give the signage a more sinister appeal.

 

The straitened times since the near collapse of the world market two decades ago, have naturally precipitated an increase in acquisition crimes such as burglary and armed robbery. Figures from the Department of Justice show an increase of 56% in home invasion prosecutions, and an increase of 42% in muggings and armed robbery across Britain since 2015. It is unlikely though, that the crimes committed on Cliff Lane will have figured in these statistics; for although more than a dozen people have been victim in the past six months, the local constabulary are no closer to finding the culprit. Indeed it appears that the ever evasive British highway man has returned.

 

Carl Bishop, 42, was making his way to his home to Leeds after a weekend in London when he became the first to fall foul of the modern day Dick Turpin. It was a Sunday evening and he had been driving for approaching four hours when he realised he was desperately low on fuel. Unsure of where the next motorway services were, Carl took a gamble and left the carriageway hoping to stumble across a local garage. ‘I’d been driving for about 15 minutes and was beginning to get a bit desperate, so I decided to follow the signs for Stanton-Under-Bardon which was not far off’ explained Carl. ‘About 2 miles along the road I noticed a large telephone pole blocking the way ahead. Once I had gotten out to examine if there was anyway past, a man approached me from the woodland wearing a scarf over his face.’ The masked assailant then produced a sawn-off shotgun and without saying a word, proceeded to relieve Carl of his wallet, phone, car stereo and any other valuables he could carry off. Forcing Carl to kneel with his head on the car bonnet, the hijacker then quietly exited into the surrounding forests leaving his victim stranded.

 

Resulting police investigations in the area turned up absolutely no traces of the attacker. Following his bold debut another thirteen people, some local residents, have been subject to practically identical attacks by the assailant, who has become known locally by the comic name Robber Johnny. It gradually began to appear that these hold-ups were being perpetrated by a gang of thieves and not just a single man. This was borne out by the circumstances in which one young couple were assailed. Three months ago Paul, 30, and Linda Shepard, 29, were halted on the road by a bonfire blocking further progress. Realising what was happening Paul quickly put the car into reverse, at which point unseen figures rolled two large industrial tyres onto the road behind them to prevent their escape. Yet again the disguised figure emerged from the roadside and removed their possessions.

 

As a criminal pursuit it would not seem to be the most rewarding venture, were it not for the fact that the road is the shortest route from the nearby Ellerays cash and carry to the town centre of Stanton-Under-Bardon. In fact the bandits have been fortunate enough on a number of occasions, to plunder everything from home entertainment systems, large volumes of alcohol and cigarettes and even a delivery van of prophylactics destined for a warehouse in Liverpool – hence Robber Johnny’s amusing moniker. The naming of the highway man seems to have endeared what would normally be considered an unwanted terrorist, to the community. Added to this Robber Johnny’s unerring ability to leave the police red-faced in any attempts to foil him, and his taste for the dramatic and daring, it is small wonder that he has become something of a parish celebrity. His myth has grown since that first routine smash and grab and he now a source of pride in the surrounding regions; looked upon as a sort of cross between Ronnie Biggs and Robin Hood.

 

Thus far every action by the police to trap or track Robber Johnny has turned up nothing. Searches of the woodlands surrounding the stretch of road have been in vain. Any attempts to lure him out by repeatedly using the road, whilst posing as a delivery van or a car laden with purchases, has passed without incident. This has led some to whisper that perhaps he has contacts within the local constabulary warning him of impending danger. Such accusations have been dismissed out of hand by the powers that be. The police however, did have one brief encounter with the stick-up artist which has gone down in legend. Apparently a patrol car was doing a routine sweep of the area when they were blocked by a telephone pole. A man in disguise appeared from the wood and on noticing the marked car, turned and ran for the cover of the trees. The two constables quickly exited the vehicle and gave chase. When they were no more than fifty metres from the road they heard their transport pulling away with sirens blazing. The subsequent search turned up no masked bandit and the two officers had to make their way back to the station on foot. Arriving a few hours later, they found their assigned car parked outside in the same condition they had left it, well almost. It later emerged that the daring thieves had relieved the panda of two cases of expensive whiskey, recently purchased at Ellerays as a Christmas thank you for the continued diligence of local law enforcement staff.

 

A final yarn tells of how the parish priest had the unfortunate luck late one night of puncturing a tyre along Robber Johnny’s Way (as Cliff Lane is now known). Whilst busy undoing the locking nuts on the wheel, he failed to notice a masked figure approach from behind and place a gun to his back. The fugitive marched the holy man to the edge of the road and instructed him to say a decade of the rosary, all the while with the end of a shotgun lodged close to his spine. Convinced that he was finally to meet his maker, the priest prayed fervently until on the final petition he felt the gun remove from his back. Looking around he saw his assailant stride slowly from view. As the story goes, the somewhat shaken and spiritually stirred priest returned to his car to find his spare tyre fitted and the flat stored neatly in the boot.

 

Given the level of gossip and speculation surrounding Robber Johnny it can be hard to determine what truth lies behind these tales. That said, in times such as these when violence plagues the nation it is peculiar to see how a community seems to have taken a law-breaker to their hearts. It seems that the gentleman highway robber has returned to add some light relief to modern day criminality.

Tuesday 7 July 2009

Speech to the House of Commons by National Labour Party Leader Philip Devonshire

February 9th, 2033


Honourable members, much as there are many here who don’t want to hear it, and have buried their heads in the sand as the honourable speaker Davis Arthur Clarke has done, I am willing to speak the truth about what we have seen evolving over the last decade. Painful as it may be for my esteemed opposition colleagues to admit, there has been a sea change in international relations which has not gone un-noticed by many, despite the efforts of those in Homefront Conservatives to distract and mislead the constituency.

 

There are none here who can remember a time, when the United States of America haven’t bestrode world affairs and dominated politics from Saudi Arabia to Shanghai. This of course began in 1941, when they were prompted by the Japanese to awake from their slumber, and take active interest in the events they had hitherto merely observed. They became re-forged in the fire of the pacific and emerged a world superpower. From this point they began to implement their homeland security policies in areas distant from their own borders. The exerted their immense power from theatres of operation in Germany, Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia and Haiti. They toppled and created governments and rulers. They spread the ideals of democracy and Christianity across the world.

 

I’m sure that you, my learned colleagues, are aware of this brief ideal of American history and are non-plussed by my broad reconstruction of events. However, the widely un-reported happening this past week has thrown this history into something of a sepia-filled relief. It seems that the United States’ ambition and reach has, in recent years, exceeded its grasp. The task of pulling the strings has become much more difficult since the turn of the millennium. Indeed even as far back as 2010, there was a positive campaign to remove bulk American forces from foreign lands. For political reasons this was greeted at the time as a benevolent and considered approach to world politics. The decades since have seen this develop, into a steady haemorrhaging of military personnel from Europe and the Middle East back to the USA. Last week, significantly saw the last armed forces recalled by Washington from active duty. It seems now that the call has been given ‘Fall back to the Keep!’.

 

This should come as little surprise when affairs in the the American heartland are considered. Citizens of this country now live under a perpetual state of what is essentially martial law, an unwelcome necessity in a state plagued by a terrorist jihad. This extreme policing has caused dissent and rebellion in states who are concerned with the traditional rights and freedoms, which are the birthright of the American people. To prevent terrorist cells operating with impunity, ethnic screening has become the de facto rule of border control for those looking to enter the state. Then there is the situation of sharing a two-thousand mile border, with a continent in which democracy has been suspended. South America is now a hereditary dictatorship, ruled by whichever criminal overlord controls the opium industry. This in turn has driven millions northwards, all fleeing the unchecked tyranny of jungle law.

 

The course of action is correct and the parallels unmistakable. If we look across the water to Northern Ireland, we see a country in the grip of a bloody battle for control of the population. There, heavily armed drug gangs parading under the banner of freedom fighters are waging an illegal war. At home we have seen armed militias being quelled in Liverpool and Newcastle. The electorate is highly charged with suspicion of Homeland Conservative’s latest invasion of personal privacy, and the spate of terror attacks of the past six months have left the beleaguered security services struggling to keep up.

 

The U.S. had the foresight to develop a programme of sustainable nuclear energy, to allow them to withdraw from the Middle East without compromising the future prosperity of their nation. It is time for this government to stop simply reacting to events and stumbling from crisis to crisis. It is time for this government to commit to a programme which will ensure the sanctity of the United Kingdom. It is surely now time to barricade the barbican. The Tory leadership need to commit fully to the proposed National Nuclear Power Plan, to protect the future of Britain and allow us to bring our troops home where they are needed, instead of squabbling in the Middle East for diminishing oil reserves. We also need to bring our troops home from Northern Ireland, where they are sitting ducks in a war which does not concern them. Let the province eat itself, if it so desires. Britain has done more than could be expected to try and bring peace. America has led the way on the world front for a century, and now this great Christian nation is yet again showing us the way. The message from Washington is clear and it is no longer ‘Love thy neighbour’, but rather ‘Save thine self.’

Tuesday 30 June 2009

Report From The Front

January 19, 2036


I had watched the ships for an hour as they trudged into view and drove undistracted through the battering foam of the channel. Distinguishable only as black slugs on the nocturnal sea, the tankers swelled and grew as they approached. Perched on the cliff edge I could make out the white coast of Kent sweep around northwards, headed for Margate and the Thames estuary. Below me to my left was a floodlit beach. It was towards this sand-filled cavity in the chalk arch that the ships were driving. It was there where the demonstration of Britain’s latest border policy would be seen. It was there where Churchill’s words would echo down to an age of men who had never faced the threat of fascism.

 

The rain clattered down on the helmets and armour of the police, who lined the beach from cliff to cliff like four thick cordon ropes. The powerful spotlights behind them illuminated the channel water and their riot shields cast long square shadows on the sand. Further back behind the light towers and hidden among the orchards, the British army with its automatic weaponry was ranked. Opposition politicians from National Labour had argued that direct engagement by the army would be a massacre or even a war-crime. However, even the most liberal statesmen available had agreed that should the police fail to repel the invaders, it was best to have the army in reserve to ensure none encroached.

 

Of course the Prime Minister had not been a willing advocate of such strong measures, particularly when the police force is in high demand quelling the un-civil outbreaks, igniting sporadically in urban centres up and down the country. The immigration legislation rushed through the houses by Homefront Conservative only six months ago have already proved ineffective. It seems granting virtually unrestricted deportation powers can only be effective, if the relevant bodies know who and where illegal refugees are. Unfortunately immigrants driven by climate, poverty and hunger; landing in makeshift skiffs and smuggled on excrement filled containers, do not see it as a priority to register with local authorities.

 

Regardless, to blame the government would be somehow facetious. The legislative measures were a proportionate response at the time they were drawn up, and there were few visionaries who could have predicted the exponential increase in immigration. Indeed few could have foreseen how rapid the total collapse of all society on the African continent turned out to be. Exacerbated by unprecedented droughts, tribal massacre and an almost complete loss of foreign aid, all sense of government and political order has vanished nearly overnight. There is also a more scurrilous theory on why Britain has seen such a steep rise in political and humanitarian refugees. It has been intimated in sections of the media and even in parliament, that French authorities, themselves long since at saturation point, have been ‘encouraging’ asylum seekers to settle in the northern tip of the country. It has even been hinted that human traffickers have been given unofficial carte blanche by the their government.

 

Although debate still rages on the governments increased surveillance measures, it was these powers which alerted homeland security to the events presently unfolding. Reports of three industrial tankers, laden with as many two thousand persons sailing from Boulogne, sparked fears of an unprecedented escalation in the scale of forced immigration to a level ‘never imagined by a generation’.  Speaking at Prime Minister’s Questions, Davis Arthur Clarke stated that ‘[this will be] the largest invasion of Britain since Claudius landed at Richborough in AD 42 (sic), and make no mistake this is most certainly an invasion, the results of which will have as profound an impact on the future of British society as that of the Romans.’

 

Just off the coast the fleet announced its arrival with a deep groan and the sound of shearing metal. The foremost of the three ships had run aground on the shallow waters a mile from shore. The deck lights on all three vessels immediately blazed up, allowing the unfolding scene to be witnessed by all. Caught in the shallow ground the rear of the damaged ship was drifting, tearing itself from the bow until it lay parallel with the shore. Hundreds of people could be seen pouring onto the deck from below. Paralysed by fear, none tried to abandon the doomed freighter. The main section of the ship, now completely free from the stranded bow, began to sink as water filled the hold. Imperceptibly at first, the ship began to lilt, tipping towards the shore before collapsing with a splash and casting its cargo into the sea like a handful of ball bearings. All those who were able began to paddle desperately for shore. There was no time to dwell on the agony of the myriad poor souls who were inevitably still trapped inside.

 

Meanwhile the remaining ships were halted and begun unloading lifeboats, motor boats and assorted makeshift landing-craft into the water. Waves of people were flooding over the sides, casting themselves into the sea. Those unable or unconcerned with boarding a vehicle, struck out immediately for the beach. Once filled, the boats pushed off from the ship and headed for land, dissecting the line of bodies flailing on the breakers. With increased speed the boats drew inwards towards the beach pursued by a massed body of swimmers. One couldn’t help but wonder about the circumstances which had driven these beings to such desperation, and also to wonder whether those waiting on the beach would have the heart to repel these bedraggled sopping creatures. Their orders were clear however, and repel them they must. The battle lines were drawn and as the point of engagement loomed it became apparent that compassion is a luxury in these times.

 

The motor powered craft were the first to arrive at the beach and the occupants splashed to the shore. The police lines were a mere twenty yards from the seafront and initially the invaders hesitated. They waited until the majority of the slower craft arrived to swell their numbers and give them a better chance to break the cordon.The three police lines were motionless as the crowd, standing ankle deep in the sea grew to about five hundred bodies. Somewhere the order was given and the crowd broke from the sea en masse, pouring forward as a concentrated shoal of sprinting men, women and children, towards the centre of the blockade. The front line of officers visibly braced, standing shoulder to shoulder and forming their shields into a wall of perspex.

 

The attackers hit the line and drove it backwards. The second line of defenders stepped forward and braced the first, stopping the crowds momentum. The extremities of the foremost two lines curved inwards and enveloped the attackers. What followed was several minutes of chaos with the riot squad pounding the unarmed refugees with baton and boot, until those not incapacitated retreated to the seafront. On the sand the police lines reformed. The injured officers were carried out towards the woods, where one could almost imagine hearing the sound of military arms being loaded. With the injured removed the police cordon now consisted of only two rows. On the sea the repelled attackers were now joined by all those who had completed the long swim to shore. They now numbered nearly one thousand and the chances of such a crowd being contained by the police alone looked very slim.

 

In an effort to dispel the invaders the police fired rounds of tear gas to the edge of the sea to little effect. The crash of body on body could be heard when the second wave attacked. Again the force was concentrated at the centre of the police defences. For a moment the attack seemed to be thwarted, but then the lines broke and people began to flow through, racing for the land beyond. The police resolve was still intact though, and after fifty or sixty migrants had made it through they managed to re-secure their perimeter and began to kick and drive the mob back to the water. From the distance came the crackling of the military arsenal, picking off those who had reached them. This must be a familiar sound to these poor refugees, for realising there was no hope of success their spirit drained and all who were fit broke for the sea and safety.

 

What welcome awaited them on the shores of France would be hard to imagine. All told, hundreds had been killed and hundreds more injured in the skirmishes. That the lines eventually held and there was limited military engagement, will be viewed as a success in the Houses of Parliament in the coming days. That said this had the feel of a staged performance, of a show of resolve by the British government. There will be more of the uprooted and persecuted arriving in Britain for months to come. In a sense this was pyrrhic victory and in future, military intervention must be inevitable.